Kara Dubay
Rachel Smydra
ENG 380
Extended Definition of Music-ROUGH Draft
Growing up as the daughter of a drummer, music has been a major influence of mine my entire life. In addition to having a drummer as a father, my grandpa was also a drummer, and now my 13 year old brother is one as well. I always thought that music ran through my blood and hoped that one day I could learn to play an instrument or sing a tune. I wasn’t so lucky as to acquire either of these skills, but music has remained a constant interest of mine.
The dictionary definition of the word music states that it is an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony and color. I find this definition to be true, however the meaning of music should not be limited to only this explanation. Music encompasses much more than simply pleasurable sounds that express an idea or emotion, rather music serves as a universal language that teaches people around the world about the culture from which it originates. Whether it is of the hip hop genre or rhythm and blues, every piece of music in some way represents a specific culture.
The etymology of music traces back to the Greek mousikē which means art of the muses. A muse can be defined in a couple of different ways, either an inspiring goddess or power to an artist or the act of meditating in silence on some subject. Though music definitely doesn’t represent the silent part of the muse definition, there are still clear connections between the definitions of the former word and the meaning of the word we use now. Music serves as a form of meditation for the artist and also comes from an inspiration that the artist may have had, spiritual or not.
more to come
ReplyDeleteI like what you have so far. I think it's a good start and you're heading in the right direction. A few minor changes I would make are in the second paragraph when you talk about an extended definition of the word from the dictionary. Do you want to add onto the definition? If so, instead of writing "rather music serves...," write something like "but it is also." Also maybe give more support or evidence for the extended definition as to why that is music. But what you have right is good.
ReplyDeleteAnd then in the third paragraph, when you write the "etymology of music," I would put the "etymology of the word music" just to avoid confusion.
Otherwise I think you're on the right track!
Starting with a personal experience definitely makes this interesting. You pull the reader in immediately and hold their attention. Good job! I like where you're going with this, so keep with it. However, there were a few syntax errors and punctuation things. That's not a biggie since it's a rough draft, but just make sure you read it aloud to keep a good flow.
ReplyDeleteAlso, watch the redundancy. Since you state in the first sentence that your dad is a drummer, repeating the word "drummer" in the second isn't necessary. I see how you were clarifying that it was your dad who was the drummer- not your mom, but I think you can switch a couple words in those two sentences. I don't know- maybe use the word "musician" somewhere.
With you talking about music and color, I feel like watching Fantasia now!
I agree with Kloey and Sweetbabyray - good opener - personal voice draws in the reader. Make sure to use "/" around your quoted material. So you think the definition of music should include that it identifies culture? Can you round out these ideas a bit more? Can silence be music - what isn't music? Explore some of these extremes - move everything you say towards clarifying what music is.
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